turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
