my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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