Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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