the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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