So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
