You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
