I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
