Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
