i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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