Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
