He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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