**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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