They should really pass out barf bags in church
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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