Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
