yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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