True but thats because hes a fetus.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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