Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
