I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
