I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
vagina is talking i cant
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
