Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
