hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
