so that wasnt chicken after all
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
