About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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