How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
