whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
