aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
