The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
