Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
