Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
