So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
