I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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