Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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