no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
