tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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