I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
