You made me cry and you don't even care
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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