Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
