Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
