ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize