You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
