From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
