She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
