Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
