He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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