you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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