i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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