I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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