There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
