there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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