I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
