everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize