I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize