He disabled his match.com account in front of me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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