I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
