so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
BRING THE BAGELS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
