Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
