I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize