I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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