i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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