You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
