You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You made out with two different species that night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
