i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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